The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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