Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
