just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
