just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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