They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
