Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
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