Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
