Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
