I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
