I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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