It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
