When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Life is so much better after having sex.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
