If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
