Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
