If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
