my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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