I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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