who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
