New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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