my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
