the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize