So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
