Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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