I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Damn victory sex feels great
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
