Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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