did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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