we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
