it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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