My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize