look no pants
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
