put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just come out here and I will go home with you...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
