is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
