ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
