did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
