she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
