I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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