I hate all girls vehemently.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
