Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize