I have demons in me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
