I think i peed on brittanys purse
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
