Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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