My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
