some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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