That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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