We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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