I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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