I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize