So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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