don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
