Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
