I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
