I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
