Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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