Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
