good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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