my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
