no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
