Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
