Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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