I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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