Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
