my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
