You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
my phone needs a breathalizer
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
