I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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