Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
