You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
