That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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