dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
